It’s been a long time…

It has been quite awhile since I posted anything on my blog.  I wish I had some funny excuses but in all sincerity after taking the new job opportunity, I have been unable to adjust.  Returning to work has been a great experience on one hand; however, on the other hand, I feel totally out of touch with reality.  As a former SAHM, I was actively involved in the lives of my children.  I would go on field trips, meet with the teachers after school when I picked up my daughter, have lunch with my son and complete homework with them when they came home.  NOW…that’s not even in the cards. There are days when I feel like a bad mommy and the guilt feeling overtakes me.  Yes, my husband is at home to pick up the pieces, drop off the children to school, cook dinner and keep the youngest child at home to help save daycare costs, but it is still not the same.  On top of keeping up with schoolwork, three of the 5 children were involved in soccer this year, which meant two practices a week and 3 to 4 games on Saturday and possibly one on Sundays.  Oh, let’s not forget that I am a Leading Lady of a church.

In addition, returning to work has caused my house to go lacking.  It was depressing to come home to a house that looked like nobody cared.  Don’t get me wrong, the house was not dirty dirty, but it was definitely not the way I like to keep my home.  So, during my week long Thanksgiving vacation, I cleaned my house.  Now, the house is where I need it to be whenever I come home and I am no longer feeling overwhelmed or depressed when I walk through the doors.  The challenge is keeping it this way until my Christmas break.  This definitely was not the way that I wanted to spend my break.  But, it needed to happen.

Needless to say, going back to work has not been easy but the door was opened and I had to step through it.  I am taking it day by day, moment by moment.  Do I want to come home and become a SAHM? YES! YES! YES! I love being at home! But for now, this is my season to work.

I am going to make the adjustment.  It is just taking longer than I expected.  At the end of the day, I am going to keep pressing and remind myself that even though I am busy and tired, I am BLESSED!

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And Another Door Opens Again!

God always opens a door when you least expect it.  Beginning on July 7th, 2014, I will walk through another door that GOD has opened for me.   Do I really want to go back to work?  Hmmmm…. It’s a question that I ask myself everyday, along with other questions such as, “Why has this door opened again this time?  Why is the door always opened when I am not searching for a job?  Why now?  Is it worth going back to work with all the expenses for childcare, after school care, gas, clothes, etc.?”  Naturally, I do not have any answers other than the assurance that there is something on the other side of the door and I must walk through it.

Since the layoff in 2012, I have enjoyed being a SAHM.  I love being available for my family.  I have heard friends in my son’s class say they wish their parents could have lunch with them or come to the parties at school.  This breaks my heart but the reality is that parents must work in order to provide for their families. Additionally, the reason I like being a SAHM is that I have flexibility when the kids are sick or when I need to take them to their many appointments.  Last but definitely not least, it just cost less to stay at home with 5 children.

Nevertheless, the door of opportunity has opened and  it is time to walk through it.   It’s not like this is the first time that this door has been opened.  In 2003, I became a SAHM by accident due to a lay off at my job as a Business Analyst.  I stayed at home with the first 3 children until 2009 when the door of opportunity opened to return to work.  However, at that time, it was not as hard to return to the workforce.  Why? I am not sure.  But this time around, I am struggling with the decision.   I am happy but not happy.  I am excited but not excited.  However, I am grateful because there are many people who are looking for jobs and are unsuccessful in their search.

We all have doors that we must walk through at some time in our lives.  We either choose to walk begrudgingly or with grateful hearts.  I am choosing to walk through with a grateful heart.   Although I cannot understand the reasons why the door has been opened, it has and I must walk through it. What doors have you walked through in your life that caused you to ask the question, “WHY?”